I do not suffer postpartum depression, but I do suffer from postpartum body hatred. I think most of us can identify with this feeling of self loathing. In our minds we KNOW that our bodies did something INCREDIBLE creating LIFE. A miracle formed in our wombs! Living, breathing, soul-filled, miracles that we are so in love with and so proud to call our sons and daughters. We have hopes for them. Dreams for them. Prayers for them. And yet, while there is so much love for the brand new humans that are flesh of our flesh, we find ourselves cowering behind baggy clothes and closed doors.
I joke with my husband saying, "it's a good thing I don't feel attractive now because that makes it easier for me to sacrifice myself for the kids." Truth be told, I don't know why we must look like deflated balloons after giving birth. Personally, I think it'd be a way better system if God had created our bodies to snap right back into shape after giving birth. (I'm still trying to convince him it's a good idea). But that's the way it is... (For now :)).
I hate getting in the shower because I see myself naked and have to fight back tears every time. "It's not fair!" I cry, throwing a tantrum to God in my head. "I worked so hard for those babies and then afterward I have to look like poop forever." I'm no stranger to all the other blog posts by mother's who call stretch marks "tiger stripes" and "badges". They're cute and I appreciate their efforts and they're right... But it doesn't help. Not me at least. And it's not even the numbers on the scale that bother me (heck, most of the remaing weight is due to these massive, milk making machines), it's the completely new shape that I have to come to terms with. But while I throw my tantrums and as I sit here snuggling my sweet, sleeping 6 month old, God just tells me, "You're beautiful. I made you in my image and likeness. Your body was designed to bear children and I have asked you to open up your womb to me. Your standard of beauty is wrong. Learn what I think is beautiful. Trust me. I love you."
And that is the message I leave with you all this evening. It takes practice and thought rearranging and trust. Do you believe that God thinks you're gorgeous? Did that thought ever even cross your mind? God didn't make our bodies to snap right back into place because that's not beauty. Beauty is radiating inside your motherly heart, loving your babies. You don't have to feel ugly because your clothes don't fit right or because your boobs are saggy. You can feel drop dead gorgeous because God says you are.
