Living Excellently

1 Corinthians 13:1-3

And now I will show you the most excellent way.

13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Let's talk about love. What is love? The world defines love as a feeling. But if it were only just a feeling, how could it be considered more excellent than speaking in the tongues of men and of angels or having the gift of prophecy or having faith that can move mountains? A mere feeling that can come and go compared to such amazing spiritual gifts would seem deflated and anticlimactic. That's because love isn't just a feeling. The world has defined it wrong (shocking, I know).

So what is so amazing about love anyway?

If we continue reading in chapter 13:4-8a the Bible defines it:

    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not       proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it             keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the 

    truth . It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

    Love never fails.

Ahh...That's why love is so amazing. Because it's a challenge, a call to obedience. The command to love is an opportunity to live as a Christian. Love it hard. Love takes work and dedication. Love is a testimony. Love is a choice. When you choose to love, you choose all of these things simultaneously.

So, now that we have realized what love is and that we struggle to really love our spouses and our children from time to time (maybe some of us don't even love ourselves), let's not forget that we are supposed to love our neighbors too. 

The last devotional I posted was a challenge to slow down and help the people we come in contact with on a daily basis, to get over ourselves and actually minister to the people around us. Today we learn that the way to do it is excellent. So what are you waiting for? Start exercising your ability to love. Ask God for strength. Ask God for all the attributes of love. It will take practice and you will be fighting your selfishness along the way, but you'll get there. We are will. Now let's go be excellent!

A Call of Duty

 Isaiah 61:1-3

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
² to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
³     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

One major thing that the Lord has been teaching me lately is to get over myself and love the people around me regardless of who they are, how they act and what they look like. I get annoyed too easily, too often. And because I get so wrapped up in the things that bother me, I forget that the Lord has called me, and all of us, to die to ourselves and love our neighbors.

Just look at the verses above. We are supposed to be proclaiming freedom for the captives. But when we are faced with an opportunity, we wonder how long it will take or forget that they are captives and think ill of them instead of having compassion on them. Hurting people are everywhere. Spiritually lost people are everywhere. But how often do we go to the grocery store, look no one in the eye as we pass, and get out as quickly as possible? I do that every time I go! The only reason I ever talk to strangers is because they comment on my silly/noisy/cute/friendly baby. Our goals shouldn’t be to get out of the store as quickly as possible or to stay to ourselves and the ones we are with. Our goals should be to help the hurting, share the Gospel, encourage the brokenhearted and set the captives free.

So let’s start by seeing people for what they truly are; God’s creation, people whom He loves, brothers and sisters, rather than burdens and “stupid people”. Our “jobs” aren’t as easy as we thought they were…neither are they as mundane and useless. We have great callings on our lives, so let’s start living up to them.

Guard Your Lips and Unlock Your Ears

Humans love to talk. We love to share our opinions, our feelings. We love to "give advice"...or commands. We love to debate, argue, ridicule, gossip and be sarcastic. I'm not inferring that we should never speak, but perhaps we should be more careful about the words that come out of our mouths. 

Spoken word has power. God created everything with spoken word (Genesis 1 and John 1:1-4) and through spoken word there has been destruction. Proverbs 18:21 says, "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat it's fruit." And Proverbs 13:3 "He who guards his lips guards his own life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin."

There is a reason why James 1:19 says we should be "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." It's also not an accident that he out these three things in this exact order. How many times have we been quick to become angry, then speak out of our anger and not listen to a single thing the other person is trying to say? How quick are we to become offended because we don't want to take the time to hear what the other person is saying and instead assume we know what they are saying, cut them off and get mad? How many arguments could be avoided by simply listening?

Not only that, but speaking negatively about a situation or a person can have negative effects and you will have to give account for everything that come out of your mouth. "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgement for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." (Matthew 12:36-37.

Maybe we shouldn't speak so flippantly about our circumstances or people around us or our frustrations. Is a quick word spoken out of anger or malice really worth the trouble we will find because of it?

I encourage you to examine yourself, get into the habit of thinking before you speak, and if it's "too late" repent and ask for forgiveness from God and the person you have wronged. And seek scripture on this topic. Pray and ask God to reveal the truth and severity of speaking carelessly. Because of the time I have taken to search out multiple scriptures and pray through all of this, God has softened my heart to be careful and think before I speak. I still have a long way to go, but it truly is freeing when I do have victory and bridle my tongue.

It Wasn't Me!

Luke 18:9-14 He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Genesis 3:8-12 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.”

Since the beginning, people have been trying to justify their sin. Most often we justify our sinful actions and thoughts by blaming the people around us: Bad drivers, people that lie to us, people that are a bad influence, people that are quick tempered, God, etc. There are sinners all around us, but that doesn’t mean they are responsible for our responses. Just because your husband has had a history of being lazy doesn’t mean you are justified in your disrespectful behavior toward him. Just because that driver cut you off doesn’t mean you are justified in your road rage. Just because “she said that” doesn’t mean you’re justified in your gossip.

A few years ago I went through a bible study called, “Battling Unbelief” by John Piper. If you’ve read it, you may recall learning this. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it! Basically, the premise of this book is that all sin can be boiled down to one major root and that is; Unbelief. Unbelief in who God says he is. Hold on, before you start thinking about your next excuse to justify your unbelief, let me explain. I’m not saying that you don’t believe in God, I’m saying your actions say you don’t. Sounds like an oxymoron, I know. Let’s say you have a quick temper. The Bible says to be slow to anger. The fact that you are quick to anger and unwilling to change that sin in yourself portrays your unbelief that God’s Word is true and good. And that leads to the second most common sin: Pride. Because you don’t believe that what God says is true, you believe that what you think is more important than what He thinks, putting yourself on a pedestal above God, which is pride (… and idolatry…of yourself). You see what a tangled web can be woven out of sin? Simply by being quick tempered when the Bible tells you not to be, you’ve just sinned in about 3 or 4 different areas, not including your sin against the person/people you just yelled at. And you are keeping yourself in that sin when you try to justify it. Justifying your sin isn’t just upsetting God, but it’s harming you, your relationships and your ministry. It’s harming you by not allowing yourself to feel conviction. Every time you justify your sin, you harden your heart to it. It harms the people around you because they are the ones you disrespect, lie to, yell at, hurt, gossip about, steal from, cheat on, etc. It hinders your ministry for the same reasons. Who wants to learn from someone who is disrespecting her husband, gossiping about them, being quick to anger, having no patience, being condescending and self-righteous? Our unrepentant sins affect the people around us more than we realize. No, we are never going to be perfect, but that doesn’t mean we should give up and let our sin run our lives. Christians aren’t supposed to live a passive lifestyle. Everyday is a fight for faith, a fight for freedom. Yes, Jesus conquered it all, but the temptations are all still there. We all still fall into it, so instead of trying to let yourself of the hook, realize that what you are doing is a sin, repent, and believe. Then see what God will do through you.

Examine Yourself

I John 1:8-9 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

James 1:23-24 Anyone who listens to the word, but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in the mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

2 Corinthians 13:5 Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith: Test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you unless, of course, you fail the test?

We all know when we are sinned against. We all know when the people around us are annoying and short tempered and act with wrong motives. It’s easy to see in other people, but not always easy to see in ourselves. We constantly try to justify our own actions and leave no grace for others. (But that’s another message entirely).

One thing that I know we all need to put into practice is; self examination. You do it to find out if you have breast cancer, why not make sure your soul is in check and that you aren’t sinning against the people around you? 

I chose the three verses above to go along with this post because it speaks to every point I want to make. 1) We are not without sin. So, we do sin against the people we love…and people we don’t love. To claim that we are without sin and that it’s always the other person’s fault and “I am just a victim”, we are deceiving ourselves and keeping our relationships from being more of a blessing to us and our husbands and the people around us. I don’t care if he sins against you, you are not responsible for his choices. You are responsible for yours. You are not perfect. You sin too. 2) If you know what the Bible says about being a submissive, respectful, loving, honoring, trustworthy wife, then that is what you should be. If you are not acting the way God tells you to act, you are in sin. And you are not just sinning against your husband, you are sinning against God because these are his commandments to you. You are supposed to reflect the Scriptures in your actions. It should be a mirror image of who you are. I know it’s hard, you can’t do it without God’s constant help. But you must put forth the effort and the humility. You must repent and you must strive to be a godly woman. No excuses. No “but he’s…” You are supposed to see your reflection in the Bible and I know that most of the time you aren’t. I’m not either. Let’s work on it together. 3) The way you know whether or not you are acting like a good wife is by examining yourself. Hold yourself against Scripture and see how well you measure up. THIS WILL ONLY WORK IF YOU ARE HONEST!! It’s not fun because you will fall short a lot. But it is the right thing to do. Your marriage will be better off. All of the relationships around you will be better. You will be closer to God because you will be spending so much more time with Him (repenting… lol) asking for guidance and courage to face the Scripture and the truth of who you are in comparison to it. Believe me, I don’t like to look at the Word of God and realize that I sin against my husband on a daily basis in one way or another. I would LOVE to be perfect. But the truth of the matter is, I’m not. I can be quick tempered. I nag. I disrespect. You name it, I’ve probably done it. One thing I have realized is that the more I sin against him, the more uptight I become about little things. My sin, in seemingly small areas, makes every little annoyance a bigger and bigger deal until I blow up on him. But the more that I pay attention to what I say, how I act, what my motives are. The more I think before I speak. The more I remember what God says about being a good wife. The smaller the “problems” are. The more relaxed I am. The happier we both are.

Our challenge this week and for the rest of our lives is to examine ourselves, realize that we are in sin (more often than we care to admit), repent and move on. Loving our husbands more and more everyday and nagging a little less.  

Trusting with the Impossible

Proverbs 3:5-6

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.
⁶ Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take.

What are you struggling to trust the Lord with? We all have things that we just can’t seem to let God handle for us. It’s another control issue. (Man! We just can’t seem to stop trying to control stuff!) But since we've covered the issue of control in previous devotionals, let’s focus on something a little different. Something called, “the expectation gap”.

I think that one of the reasons why we struggle to trust the Lord with every area of our lives is because we have all envisioned our lives being way different than they are. When I was a little girl I wanted to be a princess and wear pretty dresses all the time, I thought about it so much that I half expected to answer the phone one day and be told that I was royalty and then be transported to my castle. I was weird, I know, but that’s not the point. The point is that I didn't get to be what I really wanted to be. And disappointments like this happen to us all our lives. It’s not that God just wants to let us down all the time and He doesn't want us to be happy…it’s that He knows what is best for us and wants to lead us to it. Just like your children. You know that giving them candy and soda and junk food isn't good for them. You have to tell them “No” and lead them to a healthier food decision for their own good. So they can grow and develop and be healthy. They don’t like it when they don’t get what they want, but one day, they will realize that the plan you had for them was better.

Think back on your life for a moment. How many things didn't go as planned? How many things ultimately turned out better because of it?

The verse above says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and do not depend on your own understanding.” Trusting God doesn't mean we try to hide our anxiety from everyone. Trusting God means that we believe He loves us and will not only take care of us, but lavish His love on us. We must believe that His understanding is greater than ours. He didn't forget about you. You don’t have to “take matters into your own hands.” He knows where you are supposed to “end up”. Sometimes he only shows you one step at a time. Sometimes, the only “step” you see is the one you are standing on. But when He is ready for you to move forward, your next step will be there and you will be headed down the path He has prepared for you. It is often uncomfortable waiting and wondering what is going to happen next. But don’t worry about your next step. He hasn't let you see it yet for a reason. He wants you to focus on the one you are standing on right now. He has something special for you right here. Be patient. Be joyful. Have trust.

The Best of Friends

As I was thinking of topics to write about for today, I began looking up quotes on marriage. I found quite a few. Most of them had to do with shackles and being trapped and that marriage is a bad idea. It breaks my heart to know that that is what the world thinks of marriage. Something that God has created as a blessing, the world decides is a curse. Why, I wonder?

Perhaps it’s seen as a curse for the same reasons that the “rules of Christianity” or Ten Commandments are seen as imprisonment. Perhaps it’s a misunderstanding.

Earlier this week I was listening to a sermon by Pastor Steven Furtick and he spoke about how people view Christianity. They see it as a bunch of rules that will keep them from having fun, from having freedom. But in reality, it is the very thing that gives them freedom. You see, when Moses was given the Ten Commandments, the Israelites had just been freed from many generations of slavery in Egypt. They didn’t know how to be their own nation. They didn’t know how to rule themselves. They didn’t know how to be free. They didn’t have any guidelines. So, God gave them the guidelines of freedom. He said, in essence, “You will all be happier and prosper if you don’t kill each other, sleep with your neighbor’s wife, steal other people’s stuff, etc”. We have been given a framework for freedom. Just like the Israelites were slaves, so were/are we slaves to our sin. The tricky thing about sin is that it doesn’t usually feel like slavery. Most of the time, we don’t even realize we are enslaved to it…at least not until we have been freed from it.

So what exactly am I trying to say?  I don’t know... Maybe that the world has a lot of things backwards? Maybe that the bonds of marriage aren’t made of iron, but of friendship? How many of you got married to your best friend? How many of you are still best friends? How many of you wish you were? One simple truth that I grew up hearing is that, “to have a friend, you have to be a friend.” So what are you waiting for? Go be friends! Prove the world wrong. Marriage is a blessing. And you can have a great one!

Who Are You?

Luke 12:7 Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Hey ladies, today I’m here to talk about worth. Your worth. I think everybody struggles at one point or another (or all our lives) to see ourselves for what we are. Yesterday I listened to a sermon called “Altar Ego”  by pastor Craig Groeschel, and he spoke about how we view ourselves vs. how God views us. All our lives we are told things about ourselves by the people around us, and the things we are told are very rarely accurate. We either grow up in a home where we didn't measure up to the standards our parents or guardians expected us to, and we were frequently told we weren't good enough. Or we were praised for absolutely everything we did and we were put on a pedestal, given medals for just showing up and, basically, worshiped.

It doesn't take much time or thought to realize the negative effect either of those scenarios can have on a human being, For those who grew up in the first home, you’ll never feel like you measure up and for those in the second home, you either feel like everybody is lying to you every time they give you a complement or you get a self righteous/prideful attitude. Obviously, there are a billion variation of how you could end up viewing the world and yourself and the people around you, but from what I have seen, those are the most common responses. And even if your response is one of the other billion options, you still aren't seeing yourself the way God sees you.

As a new mom, after hearing the sermon yesterday, the thought of mothering just got so complex. I want my kids to have the right view of themselves. I don’t want to praise them too much so they become arrogant and I don’t want them to think they can’t do anything right. Where is the balance? How do I raise them to see themselves the way God sees them?

Well, one major way to do that is to start seeing ourselves the way God sees us. Honestly, it’s something that I don’t do very well. I’m learning. But I truly believe that once we see ourselves the right way, the way God sees us, our whole attitude will change and the way we treat our families and the other people around us will change. We won’t worry so much about what other people think, because their opinions don’t matter. God created each one of us with beauty and he created us for great purpose. He didn't mess up when he formed you. He knew who He wanted you to be before time began. He thought about how to make you look, what your voice would sound like, and how you would laugh. He gave you a personality and a sense of humor. He put you into the family you were raised in because He wanted you for a purpose only someone who was raised “that way” with “those people” could fulfill. He knows exactly who you are and He loves exactly who you are. He loved you before you knew He existed. He loves you because He is your Father and He doesn't make mistakes.

So live as someone who is loved deeply and cared for by the Maker of Heaven and Earth, because you are.

If you still don’t know what to think about who you are, ask Him to reveal it to you.

After you ask God what His view of you is, what have you learned about yourself?

(Please leave a comment.)

It's Worth it

1 Corinthians 10:31 “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

It’s no secret that life is hard and that it seems to only get harder. You try your best to cook healthy meals for your family. You encourage and respect your husband. Maybe you have a ministry outside your home. And, you raise, discipline and teach your children. It’s exhausting. It’s real work. Whether you have one child or 12 children, it takes time and sacrifice. But, perhaps, the hardest part of it all is the constant, nagging thought in the back of your mind, “is it really worth it?”

When you are in the midst of it all, you can’t see the impact you are making on the lives of the people around you. That doesn't mean your efforts are useless. And it definitely doesn't mean you should give up. It is worth it. It’s worth all the lack of sleep. It’s worth the time spent in the kitchen. It’s worth all the research. It’s worth all the energy. It’s worth the tears. You can do it, mom. You must do it, mom. And you must do it all for the glory of God. 

Thinking About Awesome Stuff

Philippians 4:4-8 4 Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! 5 Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

I wasn't planning on it, but this could be "part 2" to a devotional I posted a couple of days ago called, "If You're Thankful and You Know it". If you read it and remember, I talked about the importance of thankfulness and how it can change a bad day and a bad attitude into a good one. Same goes for this verse, only it doesn't stop at thankfulness. Instead it launches us into a whole new thought process. Not only are we supposed to pray and ask for things with an already thankful heart, but we aren't even supposed to think the negative thoughts that so easily come to mind. Somebody does something that bothers us and instead of dwelling on it, we must actively cast those thoughts out of our minds and start thinking good things. This is not easy to do. I struggle with it, actually. It's so much easier and so wickedly gratifying to be annoyed with people and to justify our sinful thoughts toward them because they sinned against us in some way, shape or form. 

And what about the part that says, "Be anxious for nothing..." Easier said than done for most of us, but we have got to try. Pray about it, seriously. I know I feel dumb coming to God everyday with my worries and stress because I know I should trust Him by now. It's like I enter into the presence of God and say, "Hi, it's me again. I found something new to worry about...Actually, it's not new. I worry about this a lot. I know you told me not to, but I'm doing it anyway." It feels stupid, right? But you know what is even more stupid? Hanging onto the anxiety that He already knows we are having. It's not like we can hide it from God merely by not praying about it. And not only can we not hide it, but by not confessing our anxiety and surrendering the control to God, we aren't able to get the "peace that transcends all understanding that guards our hearts and minds." Maybe we think that coming to God everyday with our puny little problems inconvenience Him, that He gets annoyed with us. I'm here to tell you that is not true. Yes, He takes care of the whole world and the whole universe, but to put stipulations on God, to think He is too busy to care about you and to help you is making God smaller than He is. He is a personal God and He cares very much for you and about you. You are not a bother to Him and you are not capable of inconveniencing Him. He is all-knowing and He is omnipresent. You are never calling Him away from something more important. He can take care of my problems and your problems and keep a nation from destroying itself all at the same time. You are not unimportant. He can't wait to hear you cry out to Him so He can shower His blessings onto you. So, don't be anxious and think about awesome stuff all the time. 

A Treasure or a Prison Sentence?

Proverbs 18:22 “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.”

I know, I have been a little rough with these daily devotionals. Getting in your face and calling you out on your attitudes and the way you treat your husband and your kids and all that, but I want you to know that I come up with the ideas for these devotionals based on things that I need to hear. I’m not yelling at you. I’m fed up with me and the way I can be toward my husband. Yes, I have seen other women do these things too and it sparks some ideas. But primarily, I’m barking at myself.

It’s funny because I frequently ask my husband to help me come up with ideas for me to write about and I usually end up with something totally different than what he suggests. So, this morning, without me asking, he wrote a list of about 20 ideas for me to write about. The last one on the list was titled, “You are a Treasure” and he gave me this verse reference. I, then, read the verse and, knowing my sin nature all too well, thought, “What an unfortunate treasure for Josh to stumble upon. I hardly enrich his life. It’s more like I make it more difficult.” He does not hesitate to tell me that I am the best gift he has ever been given. And I can guarantee that what he meant when he wrote, “you are a treasure,” on the little sticky note this morning was that he wants me and all of you to know that we are gifts, that we are beautiful like precious stones and that we are a literal treasure to God and to our husbands. He meant it as a confidence boost. He is so sweet. And while I agree with his thoughts and I do mean for all of this to be an encouragement, we can’t just be called a treasure, we have to act like one too. Does that mean we have to get up in the morning and exfoliate until we start to shine? No, that’s weird…and impossible. But just like finding a buried treasure is exciting and causes us to become rich or noble, that’s what we are supposed to be for our husbands. We are supposed to enrich their lives. Help them reach their goals. Make them feel important and respected. Give them love and attention and affection. Not suck the life out of them because we thought “all this” would be different before we signed on the dotted line to be connected with this man for the rest of our lives. When the “carrot” of marriage is dangled in front of our faces we think of everything we’ll get out of it, rather than what we get to give in it. When our selfish expectations don’t match up with reality our treasure-like attitudes and personalities fade into a ball and chain.

Whether you have been married for a decade (or more) or married for a year (we will neglect the newly weds because they probably don’t read marriage blogs anyway…too busy with other *ahem* team building exercises.) you know that the reality of marriage is harder than you thought. But even though you don’t feel like a treasure anymore, you are one. Learn how to act like it. Bless your husband with the way you treat him. You’ll know if he feels like he lives in a prison cell or in a palace, because you’re the one putting him there. And if you still can’t tell, ask him. But don’t jump down his throat if he tells you he’s in a prison. It’s your job to keep him in the palace and if he doesn’t feel like he’s in the palace, you need to change whatever it is you are doing. God will deal with the way he treats you. Don’t worry about him. Just be who God has called you to be.

If You're Thankful And You Know It

Colossians 3:14-16 

¹⁴ Above all, clothe your selves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. ¹⁵ And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

¹⁶ Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.

Thankfulness is quite the concept. In scripture we are told to praise God and thank Him in all circumstances. But how do we thank Him in the hard times? And not just the hard times, but the really hard times. The times where you are so mad and fed up with the people around you that you just want to run away. The times where you literally just want to hide from the world and pretend it doesn’t exist, bury your face in the pillows and not move. The times you feel like your body could actually explode with emotion and be a river of tears and hot lava. The times that you feel like you can’t go on another day, facing the same old strife once again. How do you thank Him in your despair? And why should we thank Him when our world is more difficult than we ever thought possible?

I’ll answer “why” first. We thank Him when things seem impossible because it instantly causes our minds to shift focus. We start looking for the good parts of life. Do me a favor; look down at the ground. Do it! Nobody’s watching. Even if they are, they’ll just think you found something interesting. Look down. What do you see? Feet, dirt, carpet. Can you see anything in your peripheral vision when you are looking down? Probably not much. Can you see anything above you when you are looking down? Nope. Can you see anything directly in front of you while you are looking down? Hardly. Now look up. What do you see? Everything. All of a sudden your vision is so much clearer. You can see in all directions at once. What does this lesson in vision have to do with thankfulness you might ask? When life gets heavy, we tend to only see the heavy part which is illustrated as looking down at the ground. When life is heavy, you can’t see where you are going, you can only focus on what is “down there”, but once you lift your head up and start thanking God for things in your life, you see things from a whole new perspective. That’s why we thank Him in the hard times.

So how do we thank Him in the hard times? Start at the basics: “Thank you, God, for my children. Thank you, God, for my husband. Thank you, God, for giving me breath in my lungs today. Thank you, God, for the sunshine. Thank you, God, for food to eat.” Keep going until your attitude changes. It will change! Thankfulness is powerful!

Just Keep Pounding

^{2 Kings 13:14-19 
14} Now when Elisha had fallen sick with the illness of which he was to die, Joash king of Israel went down to him and wept before him, crying, “My father, my father! The chariots of Israel and its horsemen!” ¹⁵ And Elisha said to him, “Take a bow and arrows.” So he took a bow and arrows. ¹⁶ Then he said to the king of Israel, “Draw the bow,” and he drew it. And Elisha laid his hands on the king's hands. ¹⁷ And he said, “Open the window eastward,” and he opened it. Then Elisha said, “Shoot,” and he shot. And he said, “The Lord's arrow of victory, the arrow of victory over Syria! For you shall fight the Syrians in Aphek until you have made an end of them.”¹⁸ And he said, “Take the arrows,” and he took them. And he said to the king of Israel, “Strike the ground with them.” And he struck three times and stopped.¹⁹ Then the man of God was angry with him and said, “You should have struck five or six times; then you would have struck down Syria until you had made an end of it, but now you will strike down Syria only three times.”

You are probably thinking to yourself, “What could this possibly have to do with anything mother or wife related? Really, what could this have to do with anything but the King of Israel at this point?”

Well, I’ll tell you.

Yesterday I was listening to a sermon by a man named Stephen Furtick. He is a pastor in North Carolina at Elevation Church and I enjoy listening to his podcasts here. He gave some background information about this passage that allowed it to make more sense.

Back in Bible times when a nation would go to war with another nation, they would often have to fight them five or six times before they would reach a victory. So when this King only struck the ground with the Lord’s arrow of victory three times, it meant that this King would only get partial victory. This King knew that he would likely have to go to battle many more times than just three, but because he wanted to “stop short”, he would only strike down Syria three times and not come to a full victory over them.

Cool, so how does it apply to us? Well, how many times have you stopped short because something got too hard? How many times have you just gotten too tired to keep fighting for your marriage? Or too tired of the constant disciplining of your children? To tired to keep waking up in the middle of the night to console a crying baby? Or too exhausted to keep going in your ministry?

We all reach a point in our lives where we wish we could just stop where we are and remain at the level of “surviving”. Stop striving for better. Stop pressing on to reach a difficult goal. Stop fighting to the end. But we were not made to simply survive this world. We were made to overcome it. And the One who has overcome the world lives in us. He fights on our side. He gives us the strength, courage, grace and patience we need to keep moving forward. Keep praying for strength, keep pounding the ground and He will give you the blessings and the victories that you so greatly desire. 

The Rumor Weed

Well, yesterday's post didn't quite make it up. It was one of those days where you just feel like you are constantly trying to hurry up and get somewhere, but you can't quite figure out where you are trying to go so fast. Know what I mean? Ever have one of those?

Let's talk about rumors and gossip. You know you do it too. Don't pretend you don't. At some point we have all started a sentence with, "Did you hear...?" If that's not a dead give away, I don't know what is. Rumors get spread about you, they get spread about me. Nobody likes getting talked about behind their back, so why do we do it? Even if the rumors are true, or if the things being said are good, the second you introduce yourself to someone and they say, "I've heard a lot about you." You think..."uh oh, what have you heard and who would have told you about me?" It's just an uncomfortable idea that someone might have a preconceived notion of who we are, because then, what kind of persona are we supposed to live up to? Are we supposed to try to prove them wrong and we actually are a nice person? Or are we supposed to tone down the niceness a little bit because we overwhelm people? :)

We are going to talk about the people that are in our lives. (Otherwise we only talk about ourselves and that's called narcissism). So, how do you live with people and talk about the people you live life with without being a gossip queen? Well, start by looking at the content of which you are sharing with people. Are they secrets? Someone else's failures or mistakes? Would they be embarrassed by you telling people about what they did? What is your motive for sharing this particular story? Are you trying to make them look bad? Are you trying to make yourself look good? There are many factors that we don't often think about before we open our mouths. "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say nothing at all." -Thumper on Bambi. (I know he used a double negative and that makes it a positive, but stop being so smart and realize what he is actually saying!) If the story that is about to come out of your mouth isn't something you'd want people to know about you, just don't say it.

I know that we commonly use the excuse, "But they are in trouble and I need to tell people so they can get help." How often are the people you gossip about actually getting help from the people you gossip to? If somebody you know is cheating on her husband, I don't need to know about it. She needs to be confronted about it. And since you know, maybe you should be the one to do the confronting. If "she's getting fat," telling your hairstylist won't help her get healthy. Ladies, you're smarter than this. Stop fooling yourselves into thinking you are helping and actually help. Get off the phone. Get off of Facebook. Get out of the coffee shop and go be a real friend to those who are hurting and making a mess of their lives because of it. Maybe they just don't know any better because nobody has taught them. It's surprising the things people just don't know. Find your compassion, bridle your tongue, share the wealth of knowledge you have gained of "proper human behavior" (since you seem to be an expert) and be surprised at what you find out. Maybe the woman who is rumored to be unfaithful to her husband actually is being faithful and someone else was lying to you or has misunderstood something they have seen. Maybe the woman who is "getting fat" has a tumor or a disease or is lonely. You don't know what is going on in the day to day lives of the people you see. Be a trustworthy companion. Be a friend. Be a Christian. Don't be a gossip.

Consider it Joy!

James 1:2-4 "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."

For any of you who have been in sports in high school or college, you know how important endurance is. I was a swimmer. I remember the first day of practice in middle school, I was in 7th grade, and once practice was over, I thought to myself, "What have I done?! I'm going to die." My butt got kicked for weeks, but by the end of the season I was stronger and faster and I could handle anything the coaches threw at me... So much so, that before I joined the team in high school I had injured my knee playing basketball and had to have surgery a couple of weeks before the swim practice started. I wasn't allowed to use my legs for a while. I swam the first 2 weeks of practice without my legs! I'm not telling you this to make you think I'm hard core, but to make an illustration.

I fell in love with swimming and I was willing to put myself through the extreme practices so I could win the races. Every practice was put in place to prepare me for the meet to come. Just like every circumstance in life, every test and challenge, is put there to prepare us for the next place God wants us to be. I started to look forward to the hard practices instead of dreading them. I started to hold my head up higher and I proclaimed the fact that I was a swimmer. I flexed my muscles. I worked hard in the off season. I took joy in the preparation and the process of building endurance because I loved what I did.

Dear mom, dear wife, dear Christian, do you love what you do? Are you proud of what you do? Are you willing to go through the hard things in life to build your endurance? Are you willing to count all the difficult days joy? Or have you packed your bags, emotionally and mentally checked out... or just given up? Have you decided that it's just too hard and it would be easier just not to love "it" anymore?

Don't quit! The light at the end of the tunnel is not a train, it's Jesus. And He is just waiting to tell you, "Good Job." We all desire to be on top of the mountain, taking in the view (I actually had a dream about that the other night). But to get there, you have to climb. The higher you climb, the more magnificent the view. But the higher you climb, the harder it gets to breathe. The higher you climb, the steeper the steps. Yet everyday, you get closer. Everyday, you get stronger. Everyday, you gain experience. Everyday you build endurance. And everyday, your joy can increase if you choose to let it.

What Happens When God Forgives Us?

Have you ever “forgiven” someone for a sin they committed against you…and then they do it again and you say, “You've done this 5 times already and I keep forgiving you. If you do it one more time, I won’t be able to forgive you again.” Or something to that effect? Basically, you put contingencies on your forgiveness.

It must be because we forgive conditionally so much of the time that we cannot fathom the unconditional, continual forgiveness of God. We deserve forgiveness from God even less than our husbands, families, in laws, friends, and neighbors deserve from us. We sin against a perfect God and they sin against another sinner.

When you ask for forgiveness from God, He is joyful to give it to you. He wipes your slate clean and invites you to spend eternity in heaven with Him. And you have no reason to feel the guilt and shame of your past sins ever again. Just like in the “Lion King” when Rafiki hit Simba over the head with his staff. Simba said, “What did you do that for?” Rafiki said, “It doesn’t matta’ it’s in de past!” Then Simba said, “Yeah, but it still hurt.” And Rafiki replied, “Yes, de past can hurt. But, you can eitha’ run from it or learn from it.”

Yes, our pasts can hurt. Yes, we can still think our choices were stupid. Dating that person you shouldn’t have dated and making some horrible decisions with him. Then getting married and having to tell your husband (which you should have done before you got married). Or, maybe, you’ve had an abortion and can’t even look at yourself in the mirror anymore. Whatever your sin, whatever your scenario, God loves you. So much! And he is more than willing to forgive you and take away that heavy shame burden that you carry. He will never throw it back in your face to remind you of how “bad” you are. God doesn’t do that. He is not cruel. Making you feel like crap is what Satan does. Because when you are distracted with your pain and you feel guilty and worthless and depressed you won’t be singing praises to Jesus or witnessing to other people. When you feel guilty for sins you have already confessed to God and He has forgiven you, that is Satan lying to you and manipulating you. Bind those thoughts and cast them into the depths of the ocean. God loves you, Sister. He sent His Son to die for the dumb sins you have committed. You are FREE! So let yourself be free. He doesn’t expect or want you to suffer for those sins anymore. Stop punishing yourself and allow yourself to feel God’s arms around you, loving you.

Eve Came From Adam: Part 4

Genesis 2:18-25 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.

21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s rib and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,' because she was taken from ‘man.’”

Since the fourth and fifth point go hand in hand and the sixth point is more of a funny thought than an actual point, I will be combining them in this post.

The woman came from the man's side, so as a man protects his flesh and cares for his flesh, so he should care for his wife.

She came from his side. His rib to be exact. Not his foot, not his shin, not his forehead, but his side. Right under the armpit. That's why it stinks to be a woman. Just kidding. But seriously, men are stinky.

The Bible uses imagery to display a deeper meaning to things sometimes. In the New Testament, Jesus spoke in parables, which are stories with purposeful meanings. I believe the placement of the rib cage is significant in this passage. It is right by his side which signifies equality and it is below his arm which signifies protection. For those of you who are thinking to yourselves, "Yes! Women's rights! Go feminism!" I say, "Chill." While you are equal in many ways, you are still not to rule over your household or over your husband. You are not held responsible the same way he is, so the final decision should be left up to him. Though you can and still have input in the decision making process. And with most things, you should be able to come to an agreement. But just like when you were a kid and you had to babysit your siblings and you had chores to get done before your parents got home. You were made responsible. You had to make sure the kitchen got cleaned up. If the other kids made a bad choice and didn't do what they were supposed to do, you got in trouble for it. Same goes for marriage, only it's your husband's butt on the line and God is the one he has to answer to. Do your job, have equal say, submit to his final decision. Once he realizes he has your trust and you depend on him to make good choices, he will make better ones. Keep encouraging him, but stop belittling him. The more you treat him like a fool, the more foolish decisions he will make. A man thirsts for his wife's respect. Many men confuse "having respect" with "having control". So, when he doesn't get your respect and your trust, he will tend to make more fool hearty decisions without your input because he wants to prove he's a man. You want a smarter, wiser husband? Treat him like he already is one. Ask for his advice. He needs to be needed, even if he doesn't know it.

And now for the topic of protection...being under his arm. This is not only physical protection, but also emotional and spiritual protection.

Now that women, on average, wait longer to get married, they spend more time in the world learning to protect themselves. It used to be that a woman went right from her father's protection into her husband's protection, so she didn't have to learn to shield herself from the cold world. I think that's why women get bitter so easily and, generally, hold grudges easier than men. We weren't made to shield ourselves from all the fiery darts the world throws at us. We were made with tender hearts and compassionate spirits. We see puppies or baby anything and we say, "Awww...", because they are soft and cute and that is our natural maternal instinct that we were created with. When that gets snuffed out by us "protecting ourselves", we get short with our children and fight off our husbands. We need to actively learn to let our shields down and let our husbands protect us. It's their job. They're men. They are built stronger than us for a reason. It's because men were meant to carry the shields for us, lift them up when necessary and let them down otherwise. Women were not meant to cement their shields in place around their hearts because they are too heavy to keep lifting up and putting down.

Physical protection is obvious and easy. I think that is on every woman's list of characteristics she wants her husband to have. But emotional and spiritual protection will only work if you allow yourself to trust him with your heart completely. In spiritual protection, he will be in charge of making sure you only get fed the truth, that you are in a church that is doctrinally sound, and that you pray and have devotions together. If these things aren't taking place in your home, don't get mad at him, blame your mother in law. JUST KIDDING! Don't do that. It's not her fault. She did the best she could. lol But really, don't get mad at him. He might not know that is part of his role. Talk with him about it and help it get started.

Emotional protection is probably the hardest to surrender to him. Let's be honest, we have all gone through some hard things in our lives. Whether it's abuse, neglect, parents divorcing, financial stress, past relationships we've had, people that we love getting hurt or sick or dying. And hard things will continue to happen for the rest of our lives. Don't be afraid of having emotions and letting your husband see them. Don't expect him to always respond perfectly, the way you want him to, especially at first. You're new at sharing and he's new at listening. And because he's a man, his initial response will be, "How do I fix this?" Be patient with him and allow him to get close and help you heal and build a deeper, more trusting relationship with your husband. It will take time. So give it time. 

Eve Came From Adam: Part 3

Genesis 2:18-25 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.

21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s rib and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,' because she was taken from ‘man.’”

Animal relationships can't take the place of human relationships.

That's kind of a "duh" statement for most people. Yes, pets are fun and we love them. Horses are great workers and companions for those who have farms or cattle ranches. There is nothing wrong with loving animals or being close to animals, but don't neglect your relationships with people... especially that of your spouse.

I cannot say for certain why such a seemingly obvious idea made it's way into this portion of scripture. Why would God make it a point to specify that He brought all the animals to Adam to name and none of them were suitable helpmates for him? God has a purpose for every part of scripture: the "boring" genealogies that most people skip over because they can't pronounce most of the names anyway, the prophecies about nations that were destroyed, Song of Solomon- as awkward as it can be, and this portion of scripture...

I think one potential reason why it is highlighted is because people don't always want to take the time and effort to make their human relationships, namely, there marriages, worthwhile. Marriage is hard. You disagree, fight and annoy each other. You hurt each other's feelings on accident and on purpose. Sin becomes more noticeable, and that's the hardest part of all. Marriage takes more work than training a dog or feeding a bird, and it can be a billion times more gratifying because of it.

So, not only is an animal not suitable for a man, but a woman is. A woman is the perfect help mate for a man... And Adam was thrilled about it! He even made up a song about it! Because, if you read this passage in the original Hebrew, you will find that he sang to her, "At last, this one is bone from my bone and flesh from my flesh. She will be called woman because she was taken from man." Okay, not the most romantic song ever written, but at least he gave it a shot. I mean, come on, talk about the pressure! He not only had to name her the moment he saw her, but she was also the first woman he had ever laid eyes on... and he had to marry her right away! If I was in his place, I think the most I could muster up is, "Uh, hey, I'm Adam. I guess we're going to get married in a few minutes. I'm going to call you woman too, if you're cool with that." At least he sang it!

But in all seriousness, with all the communication issues men and women have with each other, how can putting them together in marriage, and calling it perfect actually be the case? It's almost like a cruel joke.

On more than one occasion, my husband and I have been in complete agreement on something, but argued about it because we thought the other person was saying the opposite. Men and women just think differently and you can work through it. It's an obstacle, but it's not insurmountable. (Check out "For Women Only" to get an inside look at a man's mind and get your husband "For Men Only"  so he can understand you better too.)

In a previous post I wrote about how women tend to be controlling, manipulative, and nagging, and I challenged us to start encouraging and speaking with grace and kindness instead. Women were made to be gentle and compassionate, so when we are what we were made to be and we do what we were made to do, fill the role we were supposed to fill in taking care of our families and helping our husbands, we are the perfect match. It's when we let our sin take control of us that we see our marriages suffer. Focus on your grace and compassion, ladies. Look for ways you can help without enabling or demeaning or controlling. And watch how compatible you really are with your husband and realize that a woman truly is just right for a man.