Eve Came From Adam: Part 4

Genesis 2:18-25 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.

21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s rib and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,' because she was taken from ‘man.’”

Since the fourth and fifth point go hand in hand and the sixth point is more of a funny thought than an actual point, I will be combining them in this post.

The woman came from the man's side, so as a man protects his flesh and cares for his flesh, so he should care for his wife.

She came from his side. His rib to be exact. Not his foot, not his shin, not his forehead, but his side. Right under the armpit. That's why it stinks to be a woman. Just kidding. But seriously, men are stinky.

The Bible uses imagery to display a deeper meaning to things sometimes. In the New Testament, Jesus spoke in parables, which are stories with purposeful meanings. I believe the placement of the rib cage is significant in this passage. It is right by his side which signifies equality and it is below his arm which signifies protection. For those of you who are thinking to yourselves, "Yes! Women's rights! Go feminism!" I say, "Chill." While you are equal in many ways, you are still not to rule over your household or over your husband. You are not held responsible the same way he is, so the final decision should be left up to him. Though you can and still have input in the decision making process. And with most things, you should be able to come to an agreement. But just like when you were a kid and you had to babysit your siblings and you had chores to get done before your parents got home. You were made responsible. You had to make sure the kitchen got cleaned up. If the other kids made a bad choice and didn't do what they were supposed to do, you got in trouble for it. Same goes for marriage, only it's your husband's butt on the line and God is the one he has to answer to. Do your job, have equal say, submit to his final decision. Once he realizes he has your trust and you depend on him to make good choices, he will make better ones. Keep encouraging him, but stop belittling him. The more you treat him like a fool, the more foolish decisions he will make. A man thirsts for his wife's respect. Many men confuse "having respect" with "having control". So, when he doesn't get your respect and your trust, he will tend to make more fool hearty decisions without your input because he wants to prove he's a man. You want a smarter, wiser husband? Treat him like he already is one. Ask for his advice. He needs to be needed, even if he doesn't know it.

And now for the topic of protection...being under his arm. This is not only physical protection, but also emotional and spiritual protection.

Now that women, on average, wait longer to get married, they spend more time in the world learning to protect themselves. It used to be that a woman went right from her father's protection into her husband's protection, so she didn't have to learn to shield herself from the cold world. I think that's why women get bitter so easily and, generally, hold grudges easier than men. We weren't made to shield ourselves from all the fiery darts the world throws at us. We were made with tender hearts and compassionate spirits. We see puppies or baby anything and we say, "Awww...", because they are soft and cute and that is our natural maternal instinct that we were created with. When that gets snuffed out by us "protecting ourselves", we get short with our children and fight off our husbands. We need to actively learn to let our shields down and let our husbands protect us. It's their job. They're men. They are built stronger than us for a reason. It's because men were meant to carry the shields for us, lift them up when necessary and let them down otherwise. Women were not meant to cement their shields in place around their hearts because they are too heavy to keep lifting up and putting down.

Physical protection is obvious and easy. I think that is on every woman's list of characteristics she wants her husband to have. But emotional and spiritual protection will only work if you allow yourself to trust him with your heart completely. In spiritual protection, he will be in charge of making sure you only get fed the truth, that you are in a church that is doctrinally sound, and that you pray and have devotions together. If these things aren't taking place in your home, don't get mad at him, blame your mother in law. JUST KIDDING! Don't do that. It's not her fault. She did the best she could. lol But really, don't get mad at him. He might not know that is part of his role. Talk with him about it and help it get started.

Emotional protection is probably the hardest to surrender to him. Let's be honest, we have all gone through some hard things in our lives. Whether it's abuse, neglect, parents divorcing, financial stress, past relationships we've had, people that we love getting hurt or sick or dying. And hard things will continue to happen for the rest of our lives. Don't be afraid of having emotions and letting your husband see them. Don't expect him to always respond perfectly, the way you want him to, especially at first. You're new at sharing and he's new at listening. And because he's a man, his initial response will be, "How do I fix this?" Be patient with him and allow him to get close and help you heal and build a deeper, more trusting relationship with your husband. It will take time. So give it time. 

Eve Came From Adam: Part 3

Genesis 2:18-25 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.

21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s rib and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,' because she was taken from ‘man.’”

Animal relationships can't take the place of human relationships.

That's kind of a "duh" statement for most people. Yes, pets are fun and we love them. Horses are great workers and companions for those who have farms or cattle ranches. There is nothing wrong with loving animals or being close to animals, but don't neglect your relationships with people... especially that of your spouse.

I cannot say for certain why such a seemingly obvious idea made it's way into this portion of scripture. Why would God make it a point to specify that He brought all the animals to Adam to name and none of them were suitable helpmates for him? God has a purpose for every part of scripture: the "boring" genealogies that most people skip over because they can't pronounce most of the names anyway, the prophecies about nations that were destroyed, Song of Solomon- as awkward as it can be, and this portion of scripture...

I think one potential reason why it is highlighted is because people don't always want to take the time and effort to make their human relationships, namely, there marriages, worthwhile. Marriage is hard. You disagree, fight and annoy each other. You hurt each other's feelings on accident and on purpose. Sin becomes more noticeable, and that's the hardest part of all. Marriage takes more work than training a dog or feeding a bird, and it can be a billion times more gratifying because of it.

So, not only is an animal not suitable for a man, but a woman is. A woman is the perfect help mate for a man... And Adam was thrilled about it! He even made up a song about it! Because, if you read this passage in the original Hebrew, you will find that he sang to her, "At last, this one is bone from my bone and flesh from my flesh. She will be called woman because she was taken from man." Okay, not the most romantic song ever written, but at least he gave it a shot. I mean, come on, talk about the pressure! He not only had to name her the moment he saw her, but she was also the first woman he had ever laid eyes on... and he had to marry her right away! If I was in his place, I think the most I could muster up is, "Uh, hey, I'm Adam. I guess we're going to get married in a few minutes. I'm going to call you woman too, if you're cool with that." At least he sang it!

But in all seriousness, with all the communication issues men and women have with each other, how can putting them together in marriage, and calling it perfect actually be the case? It's almost like a cruel joke.

On more than one occasion, my husband and I have been in complete agreement on something, but argued about it because we thought the other person was saying the opposite. Men and women just think differently and you can work through it. It's an obstacle, but it's not insurmountable. (Check out "For Women Only" to get an inside look at a man's mind and get your husband "For Men Only"  so he can understand you better too.)

In a previous post I wrote about how women tend to be controlling, manipulative, and nagging, and I challenged us to start encouraging and speaking with grace and kindness instead. Women were made to be gentle and compassionate, so when we are what we were made to be and we do what we were made to do, fill the role we were supposed to fill in taking care of our families and helping our husbands, we are the perfect match. It's when we let our sin take control of us that we see our marriages suffer. Focus on your grace and compassion, ladies. Look for ways you can help without enabling or demeaning or controlling. And watch how compatible you really are with your husband and realize that a woman truly is just right for a man.

Eve Came From Adam: Part 2

Genesis 2:18-25 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.

21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s rib and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,' because she was taken from ‘man.’”

Women were made to be a help, not a hindrance. 

Hmmm...This one is a little tricky. There is a fine line between a necessary reminder and just nagging. I don't know what your house is like, but I can pretty much guarantee that if the response to your "reminder" is, "I know, you said that already!" you have probably stepped over the "line" and you have become a nag. Once in a while is understandable, but if it happens daily, you should probably take the hint. Not to be rude. Not at all. I do it... I shouldn't do it... I'm working on it.

Nobody likes to be nagged. Not your husband. Not your children. Not you. Not me. So why do we do it? I suppose the argument could be made that, "they don't do what I say the first time I say it." But I think the real issue is a control problem. Don't get mad. I'm in the boat with you.

The desire to control our husbands actually comes as part of the curse from the fall of man. Genesis 3:16, "Then he said to the woman, 'I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.'"

I know the pain of pregnancy and childbirth is a curse. (Little blessings, but my goodness!). But the interesting part of this verse is that the desire to control our husbands is part of the curse too. Your mama probably didn't teach you that. What she probably taught you is how to manipulate your husband with food and sex and if that doesn't work, bark orders and demean him until you get your way.

The reason why the desire to control our husbands is a curse is because that is a desire that we actively have to learn to die to everyday. The reason why we are not supposed to control our husbands is because, in essence, that's their job. They are the ones God has called to lead us and our families. They are the ones that have to take responsibility for everything that happens in the household. When we fudge the line and try to do it ourselves, we are ruining God's order to things. Thus, making our marriages less fruitful, less enjoyable, and not even close to as meaningful or miraculous as God intended.

Your husband will make mistakes. Sometimes he will miss the garbage truck. But the argument is not worth ruining your marriage over. You've probably got some "buts" rolling around in the back of your mind, "But if I don't tell him what to do until he does it, it won't get done." "But he's lazy." "But, but, but." I don't care. I'm not talking about his problems, I'm talking about yours. Yes, he has issues that need to be dealt with. Try a little encouragement instead. Let him struggle through it a little bit. Once he realizes that the dirty clothes he leaves in the middle of the floor don't make it into the washing machine and he doesn't have any clean underwear, he will learn to put it in the laundry basket. You don't need to tell him every time. Proverbs 25:24, "It is better to live in a corner of the rooftop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife." That's kind of a punch in the guts! I don't mean to be so harsh, but this sin is in my own life and I hate it.

I guess the challenge for us today and everyday is fairly evident. Surrender your desire to control and enjoy your new found freedom.

Eve Came From Adam: Part 1

Genesis 2:18-25 "Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him." So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names for all the livestock, all the birds of the sky and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man's ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib and brought her to the man. "At last!" the man exclaimed. "This one is bone from my bone and flesh from my flesh! She will be called woman because she was taken from man."

There are a number of things we can gain from this text: 1. Being alone isn't good. 2. Women were made to be a help, not a hindrance. 3. Animal relationships can't take the place of human relationships. 4. The woman came from the man's side, so 5. As a man protects his own flesh and cares for his own flesh, he should care for his woman. 6. Adam came up with some pretty rad names for animals.

(As I started to write this, I realized how long this would be if I addressed all of these points in one post. So I will be breaking it up over the next few days and just hit the first point today.)

Being alone isn't good. As moms, it's kind of impossible to be physically alone with all the little munchkins hanging off of us and then a husband who wants to have "mommy-daddy time"... a lot. (This is not an excuse to neglect him or deny him, it makes him feel unwanted. Remember, your body is getting used up with affection from the kids all day, which is exhausting, but his body is getting nothing. You need to help fill that void of his. If you are feeling overwhelmed with all the physical contact, talk with your husband and figure out a compromise. It sounds weird, but schedule your week out with "on" and "off" days, if you know what I mean ;)) And if you are an introvert like me, you pray for alone time! So how can this possibly apply to our situation?

Let me ask you this; even though you are always around your kids and you see your husband every day, do you feel alone? Do you feel alone in the constant battle with the kids? Like no one could possibly understand how you feel? And when you think and feel like this, do you get depressed, angry, anxious, exhausted, sad? That's because you aren't reaching out to other women who can identify with you and encourage you. Even just make you laugh about the messes the kids make. Having mommy friends can completely transform a disaster of a day into a really funny story.

Satan loves to isolate us. Our all-knowing God knew, from the beginning, before Adam even had an option of a friend and help-mate, that being alone makes us vulnerable, so he built into us a desire to have relationships, friendships, marriages. Yes, you can and should be best friends with your husband. You should be able to talk to him about anything and everything. And talking to him about your day is good and it does help. Don't misunderstand what I am saying. Talk to your husband often. But also have close relationships with other women your age and a little more "seasoned" in life to give counsel, perspective, encouragement and you need to do the same for them. 

When you are alone, Satan attacks. When you isolate yourself from friends and accountability, Satan attacks. Don't be so attackable. Don't be alone. It's not a good situation.

The Unachievable Woman

All of you know of that one mom or that one wife who has it all put together. Her house is always spotless, her kid's clothing is always clean and pressed, she is a magnificent cook, she never raises her voice and her husband is always grinning from ear to ear...I think she even wears a pearl necklace! And, as if that's not enough pressure, even the Bible tells us what a wife and mother should be like and that it's nearly an impossible task; Proverbs 31:10 "Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies."

I read that, look at some of the other mothers I know and think to myself, "Ahh, crap..." The woman in Proverbs 31 wakes up before dawn, spins wool and flax, respects her husband at home and in public, she earns an income, works hard and late, helps the poor, she isn't anxious about the future, she speaks with wisdom and grace, she dresses well, fears the Lord and makes her own bedspreads...It's like she's a woman who goes on Pinterest and actually does the things that she posts on her page. I mean, I have had a trillion ideas of all the things I want to do, the kind of woman I want to be, what I want my house to look like and how I want to treat my husband. But thinking all these things and actually doing all these things (and having the proper heart attitude) are two completely different things.

My husband and I have been going through the book of James in our morning devotions (wait...hold on...we are not "those perfect people". We have been married for almost 2 years and are just now starting to do devotions together daily. FYI Satan hates Christian marriages and families and tries to destroy them by keeping you too busy or too tired to do the most important things like reading the Bible and praying together. Even spending quality time together. Don't believe me? Check out our nations divorce rates and children without fathers or mothers. But that's another post for another day...Back to James). In James chapter 1, starting in verse 19, we learn about listening and doing. Verse 22 specifically says, "But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves." Maybe it is possible to be a good wife and a good mom and keep a clean house and make good meals for our families. Maybe it is possible to be a stay at home mom and also make some money (at least not spend every cent our husbands make on shoes and dishes. Check out Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University here.) Maybe the problem is an unwillingness to let go of the single lifestyle we thought was so fun and free. Maybe the problem is making excuses. Maybe the problem is laziness. Maybe the problem is that we don't realize the importance of taking care of our families. And maybe, because of that lack of understanding, we begin to say, "I'm just a mom. I just stay home with the kids." No! You don't JUST do anything! You ARE a mom and you RAISE your kids! You make sacrifices, you work hard, you put your family first! Take pride in what you do for your family and you will enjoy it and find new energy and a new sense of purpose in what you are doing. Your kids and your husband depend on you more than you realize. And your attitude effects your entire household. Be honest, mom. When you have a bad day and you let everyone know it, the entire demeanor of the house shifts, doesn't it? It's okay to admit it. I'm a mom and a wife and I have bad days and I react badly and then the family suffers for it. 

So, I challenge us this week. Start encouraging your husband and your kids instead of yelling at and demeaning them. See how the atmosphere of your home changes. I bet there will be a lot more laughter, love, success and obedience.

You are not worthless. You are a warrior princess.

Hello, my name is...

My name is Erin Pearson. I grew up in Minnesota, lived a few months in Montana, moved to Florida and got married on November 21, 2011 to my loving husband. We had our first child almost exactly one year later. I am, by no means, an expert wife or an expert mother, but I desire to be the best I can be. For all of you seasoned wives and mothers, the things I have posted on this blog probably won't be new information, but hopefully you will gain some encouragement and be reminded of the joys and sorrows, sleepless nights and journeys you have taken with your family. And for those of you who are new wives and first time mommies, may you feel comforted in knowing that you are not alone! There are thousands of things to learn about communicating with your spouse, pregnancy, breast feeding, house cleaning, cooking, introducing baby food, and so much more! My hope and prayer is to make this blog a "one stop shop" for anything that you may want to know, as well as daily devotions, links to products and other websites that I have gained a lot of knowledge from. My goal is to make your "job" easier and more enjoyable.